I know the lizard is very comfortable in my brain, it's not my only problem (this I know) but it needs to be addressed!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAoFPIHBu6U
25.2.13
Ready for help
Dear Jen,
I am writing this to you today because I am sick and tired of the dibilitating darkness that you seem to slip into and find yourself lost in. A darkness that is unpredictable and all consuming. I feel it from the top of my head to the pit of my soul like a giant weight pushing me into the earth or deeper into the couch and bed. Making every physical movement nearly impossible and every mental thought excrutiatingly dark and irrational. I can hear that little voice inside of me screaming to snap out of it! If only I could reach in and let that voice be heard and actually be effective. However, that would require the energy that the darkeness has already stolen from me.
So here I sit still cloudy from my last wave of darkness but feeling the light creeping in once again. How long will it be for this time? I prey forever....
So what I do know for sure is that writing has always been an effective outlet for me both mentally and spiritually . So what I have commited myself to, is writting myself out of this darkenss forever! I want to be able to log what is happening to me both the good and bad. Maybe this will help me notice the triggers and patterns that may sink me into that darkness as well as back into the light. I have to be bruttally honest on this page (please bare with me).
I hope to reach out to other people who are stuggling with this disorder for support, guidance and encouragment when I am in that dark place and you haven't heard from me. Call me out on it! Make me accountable! I'm serious!! It may just be the little flicker of light through the clouds I need to get back on track that day .
I just can't be this person anymore!
I am writing this to you today because I am sick and tired of the dibilitating darkness that you seem to slip into and find yourself lost in. A darkness that is unpredictable and all consuming. I feel it from the top of my head to the pit of my soul like a giant weight pushing me into the earth or deeper into the couch and bed. Making every physical movement nearly impossible and every mental thought excrutiatingly dark and irrational. I can hear that little voice inside of me screaming to snap out of it! If only I could reach in and let that voice be heard and actually be effective. However, that would require the energy that the darkeness has already stolen from me.
So here I sit still cloudy from my last wave of darkness but feeling the light creeping in once again. How long will it be for this time? I prey forever....
So what I do know for sure is that writing has always been an effective outlet for me both mentally and spiritually . So what I have commited myself to, is writting myself out of this darkenss forever! I want to be able to log what is happening to me both the good and bad. Maybe this will help me notice the triggers and patterns that may sink me into that darkness as well as back into the light. I have to be bruttally honest on this page (please bare with me).
I hope to reach out to other people who are stuggling with this disorder for support, guidance and encouragment when I am in that dark place and you haven't heard from me. Call me out on it! Make me accountable! I'm serious!! It may just be the little flicker of light through the clouds I need to get back on track that day .
I just can't be this person anymore!
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