13 hours of sleep

Well here I am on December 18th looking back at 2010. After 13 hours of sleep I woke up with a clear head and a need to express myself in a positive way.

I have decided to call this the 'year of discovery' Was it a good year? At first I am tempted to say no this year was actually the worst time of my life. However I feel I must look much deeper then the surface. I am going to only look at all the positive effects of this year.

Without going into too much detail I did start the year off owning my life. Feeling empowered and ready to take on the world just me and my little ones. That sense of empowerment is a feeling I need to hold onto and be reminded of when I get lost in the darkness.

I developed a new friendship in February with Michelle. An exceptional woman I've known socially and professionally for about five years. Having known her for so long and also given the facts that our children are the same age it's odd that our friendship only blossomed this year. I believe my life has been blessed by her at this time to help guide me and keep me focused on what is truly important in life, my kids,my family and my friends. Michelle walks through life with her feet firmly planted on the ground and very confident with who she is in life. I am so fortunate that her and her family have welcomed me and my kids into their lives. Numerous dinner parties with copious amounts of wine later they are people that I truly cherish in my life.

March started and ended perfectly . I opened March with a slumber birthday party for my 31st birthday. I invited 6 of my closest friends, all so very different but all so perfect for the evening. No drama , amazing food, belly laughs and truth or dare jenga. Was exactly what I needed on that day. To be surrounded by people I love and respect on so many different levels and who can all make me smile. I finished March with a week long trip to Nuevo Vallarta with one of my oldest friends Sharon at her families stunning condo on the beach. Sharon and I travel very well together, pretty much by just going with the flow. No pressure to please the other person as we seem to just be on the same page.

So I promise I'm not going to go through all 12 months of 2010.

I found April , May and June were months of hibernation for me. Yes I worked a bit, not as much as I normally would for that time of year. Yes I was present in my children's life. Yes I put my dream house on mls and admitted that chapter of my life was over. However I know I was in a daze and not investing fully into the person I am and the person I want to be. Maybe a sense of mourning the life that should of been , an inevitable emotion that was pushed to the side for so long.

The summer was a summer of new begininings (or at least that was the plan). Let's  start the summer with a whirlwind girls trip to Chicago. A celebration of a milestone birthday for Heather , an escape from motherhood for Liza and Michelle the instigator of the trip/ wine mule. For me the trip was embracing these friendships and a sense of exploration. A new found love for Jazz music and an on going love of food. Although it was a short trip I felt I had a full Chicago experience.
When I returned I was blessed with my girlfriend Tracy and her daughters moving into my house in Nanton for the summer months. My friendship with Tracy has also been one of interest to me. We have known each other for 10 years now, we were once roommates,she was a bridesmaid at our wedding , neighbour on my street (inadvertently in the same style of home) and a top producing realtor in my industry. Our friendship has been one that has always been there even if we only talked once or twice a year. This summer took that friendship to the new and exciting next level. I believe our friendship has essentially been on the back burner for 10 years, waiting for this period of our lives when we would truly need each other and be able to appreciate each other fully. Both of us were in a state of transition in our lives and found that we were both starting to embrace our spiritual sides. This house in Nanton is incredibly peaceful and tranquil so the perfect atmosphere for spiritual enlightenment. Together we were able to share books,quotes,goals,laughter, front porch morning coffees and lots of  tears. I was so grateful that her daughters were here to help my children enjoy their summer to the fullest. Now what Tracy and I have developed is so much deeper then being best friends it's more of a sister like relationship.  I know we can call each other at anytime of the day or night. We can be brutally honest with each other and laugh about it later. We can talk about absolutely everything in our lives with no judgement just support and a positive ear. This summer was not an easy one for me however I do now know would have been impossible without her love and friendship.
September I found was a month of family. My son started kindergarten in Nanton as our house had still not sold. How fortunate we are to have such a wonderful school for him to attend. Another difficult thing to leave behind in Nanton when the time comes.  My sister Karen got married on September 25th so much of the month was focused on the planning of the wedding and the inevitable drama that can be associated with weddings. So grateful to my friends Tracy, Sharon and Kim for helping with the planning , the set -up and the organization of the wedding. The day was beautiful and of course so was Karen. I found myself in my element with the decorating and styling of the hall as well as the minute to minute stresses of the day that I was able to take on as the maid of honor and hopefully helped make this day special for Karen and Trace. Me and my 'short' costume (yes I said costume) had a wonderful day that was made wonderful by those 3 amazing friends of mine.

Onto the fall, Tracy and her girls moved out on October first. I was sad to see them leave but also looking forward to having the house to myself and the kids and moving forward in life as the three of us. The house did end up with a conditional sale which brought hope and excitement to me that I could finally close this chapter of my life and move back to Calgary to be closer to my friends, family and work. Unfortunately the deal fell through leaving me disappointed and frustrated. I found myself somewhat lost in life this fall I focused on yard work as a way to clear my mind.  As well as forcing myself to be social, sometimes difficult to get dressed in the morning let alone put on a smile for my friends in a social setting. However I knew it was important for my well being and especially my children's well being. Glad that I still had friends who still invited me out and had other outlets like sorority and bookclub to keep me distracted. I had been dating a little but with a realization that I need to keep my focus on myself and not on the need to suppress my lonely nights.

So here I am after 13 hours of sleep looking back at 2010 finally with a clear head and an outlet to express myself. This blog will not always be an outlet for venting but a positive place for people to visit and share in my joys and my travels through life now with a clear head.

I want to finish each blog with something quirky but not generic like 'cheers' or 'xoxo' something that is more me. Any suggestions?